Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
