um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
