A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
