I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
