he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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