Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
