Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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