brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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