It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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