would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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