remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
