Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She said her name was "party"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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