Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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