my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
