TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
