she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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