Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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