the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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