paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
