So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
