no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
