Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dear god my vagina.
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