She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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