Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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