You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
