Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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