I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
