Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Semen is not good for contacts.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So much rum. So many feels.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
