My hand turned me down
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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