im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
