hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
