Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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