dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
