it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
