there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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