Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
