Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
