I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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