i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
