Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
