he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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