Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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