I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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