yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
