i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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