I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
