But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
