Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this boner is exhausting
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
