I think i peed on brittanys purse
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
