you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
