Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
