Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
