Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
