i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i was in the wii world.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
