Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
