So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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