I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
