i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
