please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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