I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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