It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
