I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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