just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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