Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I fill condoms, not promises.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
