Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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