That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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