White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
