dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
