I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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