Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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