Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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