i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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