im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i now understand why vodka
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
