i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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