i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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